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Hey, want to read another article about Facebook? Didn't think so. It's not that Facebook, the popular social networking website, isn't worth writing about. With 30 million users, it's a bona fide social phenomenon. Here's the problem: When the media go ga-ga over a particular technology, other, often better, technologies go ignored. In the early 1980s, for example, the home video format VHS received oodles of publicity, even though many technology experts believed Betamax, which received little, was better. Similarly, the influential Mesopotamia Times panned the triangular wheel in 5105 B.C., leading to the widespread adoption of the inferior circular wheel, which remains popular to this day. So with all the fawning over Facebook, it's no surprise that few people know about a new social networking technology that is, feature for feature, superior to the rest. Forget Facebook. And MySpace? Please, a relic. Soon, everyone will be using a Fonebook. The Fonebook is the brainchild of Alex Belle, a 21-year-old Harvard dropout. A former Facebook addict, Mr. Bell, who lives in his parents' basement in Wichita, Kansas, grew frustrated with the website's many limitations. He thought he could create something better. He was right. The best thing about a Fonebook is that you don't need an Internet connection to use it. You don't even need a computer. Fonebooks are independent devices with no electronic parts. They're comprised of hundreds of discrete wood fibre-based components, bound into a single unit. On Facebook, people plead with fellow Facebookers to be their "friends." It's pathetic, really. Reminds me of high school. When you sign up for a Fonebook, you automatically receive thousands of friends, listed in alphabetical order, along with their phone numbers. One of the most popular features on Facebook is the "wall," a section on each user's page where friends can post messages. But posting a message on a wall is complicated. It involves uploading. Or is it downloading? Maybe it's freeloading. Who knows? You also have to type and use a mouse. Who has time to master these skills? We're not all computer geniuses, like those guys with pale skin and no girlfriends. Thankfully, Fonebooks have a similar feature that is much easier to use. Say you want to post a message on your friend Bob's wall. First, you write a message on a piece of paper. Then you look up Bob's phone number in a Fonebook and call him to make sure he's home. After that, all you have to do is hop in your car, drive to Bob's house, knock on his door, exchange pleasantries (example: "Nice haircut, Bob."), gain entry into Bob's home (not by force, unless necessary) and tape your message to his wall. Easy. Another feature on Facebook that many enjoy is the "news feed," which notifies users of changes to their friends' pages. The problem with the news feed is that it's passive: you have to sit around and wait for your friends to update their profiles. Fonebook users take a more active approach. If you want to keep abreast of the goings-on in your Fonebook community, you simply phone each member and ask them some questions (examples: "Are you in a relationship?" "Are you a Scientologist?" "Really? Do you know Tom Cruise?"). Record all responses in a notebook. Repeat each day. MySpace, Facebook's chaotic cousin, is popular with artistic types because it allows them to post music clips. But, like posting messages to a Facebook wall, uploading music is brain-cramp-inducingly complicated, involving multiple mouse clicks. On a Fonebook, it's much easier. To incorporate music into your Fonebook experience, you follow a simple three-step procedure. Step 1: Buy an iPod. Step 2: Tape the iPod to your Fonebook. Step 3: Enjoy! The Fonebook is not, however, without its faults. When doused in kerosene and set next to an open fire, Fonebooks have been known to burst into flames. Fonebooks become practically useless when dipped in soup. Also, if you have a name like "Harry Butt" and don't like giggling teenagers, a Fonebook might not be for you. Despite its shortcomings, though, a Fonebook is easily the most user-friendly (and energy efficient) option in the social networking universe. And if journalists focused less on what's popular and more on what's technologically superior, devices such as the Fonebook would more quickly find their way into the hands of users, where they belong. Oh, and another thing about Fonebooks: In dire circumstances, they can be used as toilet paper. Like to see you try that with a laptop. |